Love Through A Boy's Heart

INTRODUCTION
Good evening boys and girls, gentlemen and ladies, aliens and all other protocols observed. First and foremost, may I start by insulting you all by calling all of you persons that cannot comprehend the actual true essence of the word “Philadelphia”. Do not be shocked, it's not your fault, or anyone's really...

As usual, the first thing I do with the New Year Rant is define a term or word I shall use more than several times throughout the rant... I shall not do that this year and hopefully your smaller minds will figure it out eventually as I progress through this very rant. From this point on, I shall stop with the insults forthwith and get to the point...

Philadelphia is an American city... the city where the undisputed King of Rap, William Smith hails and a city also commonly known as the “City of Brotherly Love”. I could not give a flying monkey's nuts about the American city but, I wanna delve into a concept with certain relevance to the topic of this rant and the word “Philadelphia”... - L-O-V-E-

BOY MEETS GIRL
So here's the story... every story which can be considered a good story or at least in the movie business (which I am gaining a lot of knowledge on) it has to follow or rather include one concept if it is to win an Oscar (or any of the big awards really) or for anyone to see it as a good film/story. That concept is that of “Boy meets Girl”. Nothing happens until this very concept is done accordingly... that Boy meets Girl and everything else is what happens after that...

Titanic – Jack met Rose who got him into a sh#t load of trouble leading to their love scene and his eventual death

Matrix – Neo met Trinity who led him to Morpheus and the realisation of the Matrix, eventually leading to his death (although shortlived until you watch the rest of the Trilogy which was dreadfully ruined after the first film)

Star Wars IV (YES I AM A GEEK) Han Solo and Leia and well Han didn't die but he ended up enslaved in a block of carbonite in the next film.

And the list goes on... name any Oscar or major accolade winning film which didn't have BOY MEETS GIRL (except Brokeback Mountain which kinda twisted things in the realm of film), and I will buy you a car!!!

Life sort of sets the same precedent really, everything in life is Boy meets Girl hence why we relate to these films. My first crush was my best friend (name withheld) and for a fair part of my life, my life was dictated by her actions which sometimes landed me into trouble (not like I didn't also complicate her life a little). When that ended, a new story in my life began...

When I dated P2 (some people would know who that is) that was epic at one point till alas the story reached a climax and everything fizzled out.

My relationship with Charlene was like I was living one of those Valentines Day romantic comedies for like the first two weeks. If I made that period of my life a movie, it would totally sell (unfortunately romantic comedies are not my thing). However after two weeks, it really never was the same again... It was like what happened when they decided to make the Lion King 1 1/2 – IT SUCKED MONKEY BALLS!!!

But the funniest of all Boy meets Girl action is when nothing eventually or rather actually develops... ever heard of the “Friend Zone”? If you are a person who has subjected someone who is crazy about you to this dreaded zone then you should “... oh you should... oh man you shou... you don't wanna know!!!”

THE BIG CONFESSION
Okay after quoting from Madea, um there's no real easy way to put this, so here goes... For those who don't know this about me, then man you really in for a surprise at my big confession...

I HAVE BEEN AROUND...

It's out... all there... name it and I have done it... Show me and I'll tell you I've seen it and except places which will obviously cross the line of moral decadence and inhumanity and the border or awesome and disgusting, yeah I can say in certain things I am a know it all who can't be challenged.  It's been an honour to be able to claim that nothing is new to me under the sun but before I go off topic here...

THE FRIEND/BROTHER ZONE
We were talking about the friend zone... Now having been around and seen it all, I have experienced the dreaded friend zone and the inexplicable world of lack and sadness in it especially for one, or as most who would wish to leave the friend zone and it's really a sad sad place. If a man ever thought that there was nothing worse than “BLUE BALLS”, could he be any more wrong!!

So I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date and she responded somewhat to the essence of “You're like a brother”... okay she didn't exactly say that in that way or in as much words but much to my simple response of “I understand”... it was clear or at least two things were clear.

• Firstly, I was clearly in the friend/brother zone
• Secondly, I didn't understand sh#t

Now in this situation, a normal person can only react in two ways
➔    Rationally i.e. Concede defeat and give up or rather hope things will change
➔    Irrationally i.e. Insults, revenge, anything to make him/her change her/his mind

At present, clearly I am following the first reaction and trust me I am hating it... nothing would make me happier than taking the second route or even worse, wouldn't I want to see the bloke she dates or ends up with.

Seriously, he better be good... I mean outwardly we talking the works... He could be a loaded guy like (filthy rich literally with the only currency with a big mouth – I'm talking about the root of all evil with the pocket to back it up) and he must have the looks of Brad Pitt mixed with... I don't know whichever other actor is considered handsome or “hot” these days as they say. He must be a person who is morally of high standing, can do no wrong and without touching on the bedroom, I mean he must have his sh#t together straight because at the end of the day. I will be watching...

PASSIVE IRRATIONALITY SOLUTION
Ladies and gentleman (boys and girls should have stopped reading a long time ago), I have invented a third solution outside the rational and irrational... The “Passive Irrationality”, the most forward rational irrational excuse a human being can have to hold a grudge and still enjoy life otherwise I mean I'm not going to deny my mother grandchildren before her time... I mean what kind of person would I be!!!?

LIKE A BROTHER

“Ey exe... do I look like your brother... Me not your brother exe!”
                            Me

Me anything but a brother. Now what is the definition of a brother... according to my biological sister...

Although we spend tonnes of time apart it's always craziness when we're together!

VANITY, UGLINESS AND STUPIDITY
Okay, just noticing that I am entering my third page in this rant so I should start rounding up somewhere here... But I can't finish without touching on three vital concepts that have shaped my new way of thinking...

The first one is “vanity” or as some may call it, the “Narcissus Factor”. Basically, this dude fell in love with his reflection and got turned into a flower and hence... okay the second one is “ugliness”, which really needs no definition as well and then the third and final concept is a compound in itself “vanity contained in stupidity”.

To further expand on the above, I am basically declaring that we all have a way of looking at ourselves and we consider ourselves a scale or rating of what we think we are in terms of outwards appearance. Now I am proclaiming that you either think of yourself as beautiful/handsome or ugly or by somewhat flawed measure (obviously) in-between – which might I add is really a meaningless measure that cannot be quantified if the world we live in was a computer which calculates in binary. I'm sorry, in my world, you are either a 1 or a .

I watched this movie the other day (when I was completing my first stage of grief after my rejection). “Beastly” is the story of a hot shot handsome high school jerk who gets cursed by the high school witch and becomes ugly for a year of which the ugliness can be made permanent if he does not find someone to tell him “I love you” in that year (typical Beauty and the Beast story). One important message from the film is the quote from the blind dude who tutors the “Beast” (who plays Barney in “How I Met Your Mother”)...

 “...it's not about how others look at me, but how I look at myself.”

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES
Now we all make them and I have quite a number for not achieving over half of my New Year's Resolutions and that is not a good thing. For those I did, I cannot reward myself when I still did not fulfill a good half for them. For that anyway, I feel I should try harder but I cannot ignore my successes all the more... Doing that will only make me hate myself and as the fat kid keeps punishing himself by eating more, I do that by working more...

First of all, let me leave sleeping dogs asleep and say to the love of my life, I truly hope that the one for you will be
➢    well endowed (in all matter, forms, meaning and use of the word)
➢    a brain box
➢    blessed with a good career and focus
➢    blessed to have you
If he doesn't, I will be watching on the sidelines not to tell you I told you so but I will promise you one thing... “I will be laughing my a** off!!” - LMAO

My apologies for the cussing... originally in the draft, I had another big secret to share with you all but I think I have done enough and gone over my limit really.

LOVE THROUGH A BOY'S HEART
My final topic of this rant is in itself what I wanted to talk about... the definition of Love...

Love for me is somewhere between Drey Kush who's in Senegal and committing a series of gang rapes against grannies somewhere in Tsholotsho (totally kidding on the last one).

Once upon a time, I told this girl over the phone one night that I love her. Following the escape of my words, she asked me, “Do you know what love is?”

The question hit me with such force and I could not explain and you know that may have been almost eight years ago but it took me several years to know the feeling of love and know how it feels to be in love. Unfortunately, I don't know how to put the feeling into words and I am yet to meet the person who can...

Until then, I will only use the acceptable definition of love... GOD IS LOVE...

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY"
                       Douglas Dhire (a man who loves Kudzai Sadomba very much and who does not celebrate Christmas and couldn't give a care what anybody thinks)

Till in the middle of the year... Maybe...

Go to zilyfe.com